sunrises and sunsets

When I was really struggling in high school to find joie de vivre or “joy for life,” my therapist suggested I try to see a sunrise or sunset each day. I was sick with mono at the time and would wake up at 4 AM each day to make sure I got all of my homework done. I started to make time, even if just for a few minutes, to look at the sunrise and nothing else in the morning.

These days, I usually see the sunrise or sunset when I am driving. And wow, I hate driving, especially with the frequency I do it these days, but the winter sun has been putting on a show recently. Its such a comfort to know that the sun rises and falls but comes back each and every day. Even if its not the most spectacular sky, the sun is still there. And maybe thats what I need to remember: that getting up everyday and showing up is sometimes enough. That is really all that is needed.

There are certain expectations we place on ourselves and that we sometimes extend onto others: not to simply show up, but to perform, to impress. More and more, I am just grateful for the people in my life that continue to show up. We are expected to balance so many responsibilities and relationships all at once. Technology powerfully connects us, but often leaves us trying to be in two places at once: having dinner with a friend but also having a conversation over text with another.

I often expect this of myself, to be constantly multitasking, able to do it all. I wonder if my life would get better if I decided to take things one thing at a time. I’ve been so focused on what is going to happen in my future and how I am going to get there, that I haven’t even considered how wonderful each day could be. Its almost like I can accomplish things AND enjoy my time on this earth… something that I sillily hadn’t considered until quite recently. Hard work cannot come without respite.

In an existential sense, I know that not every day is guaranteed, and that scares me sometimes. How am I supposed to use the time I have? What I am realizing is that perhaps my focus should shift. It may be more fruitful to just appreciate each sunrise and sunset I have the privilege of getting to see.

The Sun just touched the morning;
The Morning, happy thing,
Supposed that he had come to dwell,
And life would be all Spring.

But, when the Gloom, with the moaning,
Swallowed up the day,
And morning, in the darkness,
Was tossed away—
The light, like a big red ball,
Was coming out of the shadows;
Emerging from the darkness,
As if to find its place again.