I first encountered my favorite artwork while in New York City over Martin Luther King Weekend at the Museum of Modern Art. Seeing Van Gogh’s Starry Night was surreal, yet, I was unaware that Bruce Nauman’s exhibit Disappearing Acts would change my perspective. I noticed One Hundred Live and Die immediately. The piece stood stationary, and the metal monolith filled the white space with neon light. In the dim museum, phrases lit up one by one: “live and die, die and die,” and “laugh and live, hate and die,” and “feel and die, touch and live” and “sick and die, well and live.” 50 verbs in light, followed by either life or death. This vision was created by Nauman in 1984, and although the world has changed over the past 35 years, life as we know it has remained relatively unaltered, for the nature of our existence is inevitable. Each decision we make yields a response, we either keep living or we die trying.
In times like these, in the panic of the coronavirus outbreak, our impending mortality is shoved to the front of our minds. This can be scary to think about, but we must put things in perspective to live and thrive in this new normal. As a collective society, we must practice gratitude for all we have at this moment. We must remember all the good that is still left in the world. We also must be selfless. As young people, the virus doesn’t impact us, but our selfishness RIGHT NOW could lead to the deaths of people we love. We must inconvience ourselves for the benefit of others who are not as lucky as we are. People in the 18-30 age group that are young and healthy are choosing to act selfishly and live like we are on “corona-cation.” In being too focused on ourselves, we can hurt others by not realizing the impact of our actions. For the immunocompromised or the elderly, COVID-19 could mean death. Making the sacrifice of social distancing could mean saving someone you love from illness. As Nauman’s work shows, each action has a reaction. Now, more than ever, we must realize that our actions can either promote life or death.
Right now, two major reactions are being seen: panic and avoidance. Those at risk are scared to die, and those not at risk are avoiding the issue by pretending we aren’t living in a global pandemic. Both reactions are bad. We must be aware of our actions, but live in a balanced world between panic and avoidance. Both reactions are valid, yet unproductive. Anxiety provoked reactions like stockpiling, doomsday prepping, or agoraphobia give the panicked mind a sense of relief. However, hoarding toilet paper will not stop the spread of coronavirus. Avoidance may be gratifying in the moment- like going on a cheap vacation while people are dying, but feeding the instant gratification monkey is dangerous. In the case of COVID-19, this irresponsibility is increasing the spread of a virus we have the chance of containing. We cannot let our anxieties get the best of us, especially in times as important as these.
There are multitudes of joy in life, but in times of crisis, it is challenging to disregard negative thinking. Many of the values society instills in us are important, but we are looking away from what makes life worth it, our connections with each other. We are becoming increasingly materialistic. Money should not be prioritized over health. That can be seen in our world today. Buisnesses are closing, the economy is hurting, people are not thriving in the mainstream definition of monetary success. Although the world is hurting, there is love that can be found in all of the madness. People are finding ways to continue to be connected, despite being quaratined or six feet apart: neighborhoods are singing in togetherness, technology is being used to spread hopeful media, and care for those vulnerable to the virus is being prioritized by social distancing.
Taking care of our health is increasingly less important in our quick-paced society. Especially in young adulthood where the “grind doesn’t stop,” many high-achieving students priortize anything over their health. In high school, I learned this the hard way. My junior year I had mononucleosis. I was sick for two months before I went to a doctor because I wasn’t listening to my body. I was very sick, but I was stubborn and wanted to push through to achieve. In spite of this, I was still not taking care of myself. Feeling physically ill impacted my mentality. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect, even while I was perpetually sick. I kept my grades good, but this wasn’t good enough in my mind. I wanted to be social, too. I went out whenever I wasn’t sick in bed, studying, or sleeping. I thought that being around people would make me forget about feeling so bad, but I was just prolonging my illness and trying to fufill an order of who I thought I was supposed to be. COVID-19 is forcing us to realize how integral our health is to the functioning of our normal society. We must take care of our bodies and minds, for they are connected. Physical and mental health, together, paint the picture of holistic health.
Despite my best efforts, my body fought against my protest of mono, for my health was in need of attention. I missed out on a lot. I slept through birthday parties, extracurricular events, fun trips with my friends. It sucked, but it taught me an important lesson… to put myself first. With my health compromised, I had no choice but to focus on keeping myself functional, first. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, prioritizng my own health, above all, was an important lesson I had to learn.
Even though junior year was the hardest year of my life thus far, it was also the most productive year of my life. I felt lonely at times, like nobody understood what I was going through, but I was determined to keep going. With social media and FOMO and cliques, high school can feel unbearable if you percieve yourself as going through the world alone. Yet, there are beautiful things and people all around. As human beings, we are never alone. We are all connected to each other. This is what makes life worth it. When you are depressed, your brain tricks you into thinking you are all by yourself. In order to combat this, I had to constantly remind myself that I was not, in fact, alone. I spent my alone time listening to music and podcasts, learning new things, and practicing gratitude for all that I had.
All of this time alone made me incredibly self aware. I was able to look around and see who truly cared about me. In practicing gratitude and combatting my loneliness, I made a list in the “Notes” section of my iPhone of all of the people I knew I could count on. As weird as that seems to some people, it helps me stay grateful for the amazing people I have in my life. In surrounding myself with people I love, I don’t feel so alone.
Now, in knowing and learning more about myself, I am better able to understand and help others. This is what I strive to do. I thought pleasing other people was “helpful” or being perfect was “necessary” in order to make the world a better place. Yet, this is not true. Perfection is a myth! I promise you. It is an idea we create and let poison our minds. Humans cannot embody an ideal. I fucked up perpetually when I thought this way. I beat down on myself and told myself I would never be good enough. I was living a lie. All of this negative energy is useless and exhausting. Being mean to yourself is nothing but self-harm.
You know what does help yourself and others, though? Living in a way that makes YOU happy and balanced. Be yourself!!! This is easier said than done, but once you stop caring what everyone else thinks, you are able to live peacefully. We must release ourselves from the unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves and others. Lao Tzu, founder of Taoism said, “If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”
Luckily, the choice to be happy and live in the present is up to you. In this life, each individual has the opportunity every day to live more or less sustainably for the good of ourselves and others. When you find yourself, benefits are reaped in your growth as an individual. Living your life true to you will make you so happy!! Happy people do wonderful things that serve both themselves and others, LIKE STAYING HOME DURING A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. The choices one makes may seem trivial, yet the implications of one’s decisions are vast. As a society, we must emphasis holistic wellness. When one focuses on living healthily, a threshold of potential can be surpassed, just as Nauman’s work inspired me to initiate positive change in my own life.
This is how I feel right now. If you want to vent about how you feel… go to the “Your Story” page and share that shit.
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ANAGRAM 