I biked through Philly with my two best friends last weekend (who are much better bikers than me). We coasted down a hill under the Ben Franklin Bridge and were zipping by the water. Before that though, we were in Philly traffic.
We stayed in the bike lane but then all of a sudden it disappeared. There were cars parked on the side of the street and the only option was to ride in the road with the cars. I was quite terrified of the mere concept of this, but I knew if I stopped, it would be worse. A car wouldn’t be expecting me to stop and would likely hit me. I had to keep going.
I have kind of felt this same way since moving here. Like if I stop and look back, I’ll be hit. It was so hard to leave New York. I loved it there so much and I miss my people there so deeply.
Though, my life is better in different ways here. I move slower. I like my job and I feel greatly respected by my team. I have more time for myself. I feel pretty focused. Its quite shocking to realize that some things you love are thorns. We grasp onto people and places and things so tightly and then are surprised when we pull back our hand and realize its bleeding.
Its so much easier to keep going and never stop and slow down. I think this is why a lot of people stay in relationships that aren’t the healthiest. It is so wonderful to love and be loved even if days are riddled with conflict. That love never really goes away though, whether people stay together, or grow apart, it just changes form.
In reality, I think there needs to be a balance of both things: to live non-stop and soak it all in but also to stop suddenly and reflect when things don’t sit quite right. I am so grateful to be traveling and surrounded with my favorite people and waking up every day. Firing non-stop can be exhausting, but forward is the only direction I want to go right now- as long as I remember to look back at the view every once in awhile.
ANAGRAM 