I’m going to be honest… I’ve wanted to create something like this for a long time. A dream when I was young (that now is an incredulous fantasy) was to double major in Journalism and Fashion. My parents, both physicians, you know, typical non-creatives, proclaimed, “Print is DEAD.” They might be right, but technology isn’t. That’s why I’m here! Right now, I plan to double major in Neuroscience and Public Policy at Duke University. I love fashion and writing, but for now, I want to explore that on the side. Now, I’m not preaching that I am an expert or a professional at this whole life thing, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that sharing your story is incredibly important.
This blog will account my life. I want to share what I’m doing and what I’m learning- all of my failures and successes. Failures was listed first because I assure you there will be more of those…we learn from our mistakes though, right? The picture that frames this post might seem bold to some, but I think for me, accepting data as part of me, not the whole of me is important. Each number has a story… this year, I got a score in every. single. rank. of AP examinations. According to CollegeBoard, I am extremely well qualified, very well qualified, qualified, possibly qualified, and not qualified whatsoever among an array of subjects. Looking at a single score you may say I’m a testing wizard or that I’m incompetent. Here’s some insight for my two failing scores… What I learned is that I LOVE art history, and that I probably shouldn’t try to be a Tiger Cub stockbroker.
When I passed, it was not always with ease; I have terrible testing anxiety. I’m convinced I’m terrible at math, which might be a problem for a STEM major. I worked so hard to study for my Calculus exam and I passed by the minimum. On the other hand, I love Psychology and scored “perfect” without studying.
Before exams my senior year, I considered how these statistics were important: college applications were done, so I decided to not study for my exams with the determination I had the years prior. I had worked so long doing scholarships and college applications all senior year, I felt like I didn’t get to enjoy my time holding on to the last bits of childhood. Getting perfect scores at that point would’ve been purely for pride, and personally, I think that metrics are an unimpressive measure of someone’s intelligence as a whole. I was to a point during the year where I couldn’t stop crying for long enough to go to school. I was burnt out. This was a positive feedback cycle of doom. Work too hard, breakdown. Which led to working harder and even more breakdowns. With nothing to lose, for final exams, I slowed down and took a breath, right before the high school era of my life came to a close. Life is about taking calculated risks!
Below, is an excerpt of my college essay titled “I Am Not A Number.” If anything, the goal of this blog is to help you realize how your individuality matters- no value defines you. Please don’t plagiarize. I’ll find you.
When I was little, the number that defined me was my Reading Counts points. As an avid reader, this served as a quantifiable achievement of my beloved hobby. The praise I received was my goal; intrinsically, I am a people pleaser.
In middle school, the number that defined me was my weight. In a hyper-competitive dance studio, I went from being the thin girl to the girl who had curves.
In high school, the numbers start swirling: class rank, GPA, number of leadership positions. It is easy to become entranced by the numbers. Friendships are ruined over frivolous competition. Peers tend to fall into the toxic headspace of undermining another simply to rise one spot.
I am not proposing these numbers are meaningless, but in my perfectionist brain, a point could make a difference in whether my day was good or bad. My harshest critic was myself.
Although these numbers have their place in our education system, I feel as if the core of education has been lost in competition: love of learning takes a backseat to gaining recognition.
I am not suggesting achievement is unimportant, but rather, that collaboration should trump competition. I have learned this through my role in my school with Student Government, in my community through coordinating a mission trip, and in my friend group by encouraging peer tutoring from freshman year onward.
My advice is not to let high school pass idly by; my advice is to let passion and devotion prevail over shallow disinterest to fill a resume. Doing the right thing does not always move you up in the “rank” of the world, but I proffer that there is a single number that matters: one. You and I are individuals among 7.6 billion others and striving to make a difference one person at a time, our efforts will make the world a better place.
I know this is a lot to unpack, but hopefully, it gives you an idea of the advice I’d like to share… navigating wellness through school, family, and all the other things us emerging adults mangage. Being the oldest, I never had a sibling to look up to, so for anyone who feels alone, I’m happy to be your pseudo big sister! As I try to find my purpose, I want to connect with others and grow with them. I’m always open to chat.
-ANA
This is the first post on my new blog. I know the site is a mess right now, but for once, I don’t think perfection is the goal. I wanted to say what I felt. I appreciate you if you read this far. This is “My Story,” feel free to share “Your Story” on the tab entitled with this label.
ANAGRAM 